Long time no see...

Well it's been awhile since I have had time to write anything.  No worries, I did not fall off the weight loss bandwagon.  I just fell off the blog every day band wagon. 
I've been so crazily busy it's not even funny.  I actually have to revamp my work out schedule.  I am used to working out while the boys are in school, and I have decided to keep it that way, for now.  But eventually I will be forced to change that schedule.  I was going to try and get used to that now, but I really do enjoy working out in the am and really dislike working out in the pm.  I may have to start getting up rather early in order to keep my am routine, hopefully by then, I can find a pm work out buddy.
I like working out in the am because the gym isn't as crowded as it tends to be in the afternoon and evenings.  However, my friend and I were talking today and we are going to try going to the gym together.  Luckily, if we go together, she doesn't need to be tethered to me while we are there.  She and I agree that it is nice to have someone to meet up with and walk out with, but we don't necessarily have to be doing the same exercise or routine.  Almost like an accountability partner without the title I guess.
Anyway you must all be wondering how everything is going.  I finally got a scale and the first day I got on it, I was devastated beyond belief.  I knew I had put on weight, but I didn't realize how much.  The number on the scale never bothered me before, but that day it did.  In fact, I let it ruin my whole day.  I couldn't shake it.  All of a sudden I'm experiencing something I had only heard people talk about, I was letting the number on the scale define me. 
Did knowing that number change who I am? 
Did it change my heart? 
Did it change how my real friends view me? 
More importantly, did it change how God views me? 
Did it change the plans he has for me?
Did it change the plans I had for me? 
Not at all, but all of a sudden it changed how I viewed myself, and for the first time ever, I didn't like me. 
I hated me as much as the people who are repulsed by overweight people. 
I wondered how I had let this happen. 
Where was I when I was gaining weight?
What was I doing to gain all this weight? 
More importantly, how was I going to lose it all?
You would think that seeing a higher number on the scale than I was prepared for would motivate me even more to get to the gym, eat better, and take care of myself so the pounds would just melt off.  Instead it had the opposite effect.  I wanted to crawl in a hole, and never let the world know how much I was hurting. 
The problem with that?  Well it's January and in order to dig a hole, I'd have to be pretty strong, and I have little to zero upper body strength, so the hole, it ain't happenin!  Second, I'm too damn busy to dig a hole sufficient enough to live in, which also leads me back to problem number one, no upper body strength.  And third, I'd miss a lot of great movies that are coming out this year if I choose to live in a hole, ergo, I skipped the hole.
What I did not skip was a short lived pity party.  I wasn't allowed to wallow long because, as you may or may not know, I have really amazing friends!  They allowed me to hurt and cry and be embarrassed and ashamed, but they didn't allow me to live there.  They spoke truth into me, that I carry with me every day.
And do you want to know the best part?  God didn't let me stay there either.  He helped me work hard and last Sunday when I did my first official weigh in, I had dropped 4.7lbs!  Can you believe it?  Such a good feeling!  And while that is only a scratch on the surface of how much I want to lose, it's a start.
Today on my second official weigh in, I had only lost 0.3lbs, but it was a loss and not a gain!  So that's a win in my book.
So remember my dear friends, that number on the scale does not define who you are.  Only God can define who you truly are, if you let him.  That number, is just that, a number and while it may not be exactly appealing, you have the power to change it. 
If you want to change that number, I invite you to join me in this journey this year because 2011 was my last year of being FAT!

Time to get back at it

I haven't been to the gym since the boys have been out of school.  Why you ask?  Because with Christmas and New Year's and other commitments, I would have to go at midnight and though the gym is probably empty then, that is not my style.  I have discovered I really do not enjoy working out in the afternoon/evening time slots.  Mornings are for me. 
This is a weird discovery seeing as I am no longer a morning person.  I used to be able to just jump out of bed in the morning, no matter how much sleep I got and I could be up and running.  This is no longer true.  What is more true of me now is that no matter how much sleep I have gotten the night before, when my alarm goes off at 5:45, I hit snooze.  I have been setting my alarm for 5:45 for over a month and I have yet to actually get out of bed when it goes off.  I do wake up and lay in bed for 15 minutes and think of all the things I could be doing, but don't actually get up and do them.
So then the alarm goes off at 6 and I'm still not quite ready to get out of bed.  However, I do because I have to be out the door a little after 7.  I wonder why the change.  Is it because I'm older?  Really, 34 is older????  I don't like the sound of that, especially since I will be 35 next month...mid 30's...I'm not crying, really I'm not.
I'm hoping to one day jump out of bed at 5:45 with a smile on my face, but until then...
So anyway, I'm back to the gym tomorrow at 8:30 to get my fit on!  I have to say I'm very much looking forward to getting back into my routine.  I know what you're thinking, 10 days and you had a routine?  Yep I did:
M W F - 30 minute strength training circuit and 30 minutes on the treadmill
T TR - 45/60 minutes on the treadmill and 15/20 minutes on the bike (my least favorite, but if it gets me to where I want to be, I will do it)
So tune in tomorrow for Day 7 of my blog because apparently I didn't blog those last 4 days!  Sheesh!
However, I promise to get better at it because I have had lots of encouragement from others reading about my journey.  So I will do my best to get each day blogged and preserved for posterity! Happy reading!