Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Pop is not good for my belly button!

Wow I disappeared for awhile didn't I? Guess I didn't want my belly button back badly enough.
I guess the question is do I want it badly enough now? And my answer is I think so, but this time I'm starting with smaller goals and each time I master a goal I am adding a new one so that by the time this is all said and done I have completely changed my lifestyle.
I think all too often we get caught up in the big picture and we can't see the forest for the trees. Yes I want to lose over 100 pounds, but how do I start? Every time I would try before I would try to change everything that first day. And by the end of my first week I couldn't wait to go back to old habits!
So I'm doing it differently this time. What's it going to hurt? I couldn't possibly be any worse off, right?
So my first goal is to stop drinking pop, or soda, or coke, or whatever it is you want to call it. You all know what I'm talking about. That deliciously sweet carbonated beverage that is perfect with anything? Oh man to say that I was addicted to pop would be an understatement. I could go through a 12 pack in 3 days! I know, gross right?
I loved it. I would drink it with anything, anywhere, anytime! So my first goal was to cut back to one a day. And that was relatively easy to achieve because I didn't set any restrictions on how much I could have, but it could only be one cup or can or bottle a day. Eventually I wanted to get to no pop at all. That happened without even trying! I was writing in my food journal and I noticed that for 3 days in a row I hadn't consumed any pop! Well how did that happen? I guess I didn't "need" it any more! Let me tell you that was such a fabulous feeling. What's even more fabulous is that it has been 11 days and I don't find myself thinking,"Golly gee willakers I wish I could have me some sodie pop." instead I find myself drinking water and unsweetened tea all the time. I still want that carbonation every now and then, so until I can afford my own Soda Stream to make carbonated water with fruit, I rely on La Croix and Mendota Springs to satisfy my carbonation cravings. My next goal? Eating breakfast everyday.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Long time no see...

Well it's been awhile since I have had time to write anything.  No worries, I did not fall off the weight loss bandwagon.  I just fell off the blog every day band wagon. 
I've been so crazily busy it's not even funny.  I actually have to revamp my work out schedule.  I am used to working out while the boys are in school, and I have decided to keep it that way, for now.  But eventually I will be forced to change that schedule.  I was going to try and get used to that now, but I really do enjoy working out in the am and really dislike working out in the pm.  I may have to start getting up rather early in order to keep my am routine, hopefully by then, I can find a pm work out buddy.
I like working out in the am because the gym isn't as crowded as it tends to be in the afternoon and evenings.  However, my friend and I were talking today and we are going to try going to the gym together.  Luckily, if we go together, she doesn't need to be tethered to me while we are there.  She and I agree that it is nice to have someone to meet up with and walk out with, but we don't necessarily have to be doing the same exercise or routine.  Almost like an accountability partner without the title I guess.
Anyway you must all be wondering how everything is going.  I finally got a scale and the first day I got on it, I was devastated beyond belief.  I knew I had put on weight, but I didn't realize how much.  The number on the scale never bothered me before, but that day it did.  In fact, I let it ruin my whole day.  I couldn't shake it.  All of a sudden I'm experiencing something I had only heard people talk about, I was letting the number on the scale define me. 
Did knowing that number change who I am? 
Did it change my heart? 
Did it change how my real friends view me? 
More importantly, did it change how God views me? 
Did it change the plans he has for me?
Did it change the plans I had for me? 
Not at all, but all of a sudden it changed how I viewed myself, and for the first time ever, I didn't like me. 
I hated me as much as the people who are repulsed by overweight people. 
I wondered how I had let this happen. 
Where was I when I was gaining weight?
What was I doing to gain all this weight? 
More importantly, how was I going to lose it all?
You would think that seeing a higher number on the scale than I was prepared for would motivate me even more to get to the gym, eat better, and take care of myself so the pounds would just melt off.  Instead it had the opposite effect.  I wanted to crawl in a hole, and never let the world know how much I was hurting. 
The problem with that?  Well it's January and in order to dig a hole, I'd have to be pretty strong, and I have little to zero upper body strength, so the hole, it ain't happenin!  Second, I'm too damn busy to dig a hole sufficient enough to live in, which also leads me back to problem number one, no upper body strength.  And third, I'd miss a lot of great movies that are coming out this year if I choose to live in a hole, ergo, I skipped the hole.
What I did not skip was a short lived pity party.  I wasn't allowed to wallow long because, as you may or may not know, I have really amazing friends!  They allowed me to hurt and cry and be embarrassed and ashamed, but they didn't allow me to live there.  They spoke truth into me, that I carry with me every day.
And do you want to know the best part?  God didn't let me stay there either.  He helped me work hard and last Sunday when I did my first official weigh in, I had dropped 4.7lbs!  Can you believe it?  Such a good feeling!  And while that is only a scratch on the surface of how much I want to lose, it's a start.
Today on my second official weigh in, I had only lost 0.3lbs, but it was a loss and not a gain!  So that's a win in my book.
So remember my dear friends, that number on the scale does not define who you are.  Only God can define who you truly are, if you let him.  That number, is just that, a number and while it may not be exactly appealing, you have the power to change it. 
If you want to change that number, I invite you to join me in this journey this year because 2011 was my last year of being FAT!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Time to get back at it

I haven't been to the gym since the boys have been out of school.  Why you ask?  Because with Christmas and New Year's and other commitments, I would have to go at midnight and though the gym is probably empty then, that is not my style.  I have discovered I really do not enjoy working out in the afternoon/evening time slots.  Mornings are for me. 
This is a weird discovery seeing as I am no longer a morning person.  I used to be able to just jump out of bed in the morning, no matter how much sleep I got and I could be up and running.  This is no longer true.  What is more true of me now is that no matter how much sleep I have gotten the night before, when my alarm goes off at 5:45, I hit snooze.  I have been setting my alarm for 5:45 for over a month and I have yet to actually get out of bed when it goes off.  I do wake up and lay in bed for 15 minutes and think of all the things I could be doing, but don't actually get up and do them.
So then the alarm goes off at 6 and I'm still not quite ready to get out of bed.  However, I do because I have to be out the door a little after 7.  I wonder why the change.  Is it because I'm older?  Really, 34 is older????  I don't like the sound of that, especially since I will be 35 next month...mid 30's...I'm not crying, really I'm not.
I'm hoping to one day jump out of bed at 5:45 with a smile on my face, but until then...
So anyway, I'm back to the gym tomorrow at 8:30 to get my fit on!  I have to say I'm very much looking forward to getting back into my routine.  I know what you're thinking, 10 days and you had a routine?  Yep I did:
M W F - 30 minute strength training circuit and 30 minutes on the treadmill
T TR - 45/60 minutes on the treadmill and 15/20 minutes on the bike (my least favorite, but if it gets me to where I want to be, I will do it)
So tune in tomorrow for Day 7 of my blog because apparently I didn't blog those last 4 days!  Sheesh!
However, I promise to get better at it because I have had lots of encouragement from others reading about my journey.  So I will do my best to get each day blogged and preserved for posterity! Happy reading!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Day 6

Yesterday was FABULOUS!  Why is that working out just gives you a larger sense of purpose?
I tried the 30 minute circuit yesterday, it works your entire body in 30 minutes.  Similar to Curves, except there are actual weights, you aren't working against your own resistance.  Let me just tell you I am aching!  I don't do the circuit the way most people do.  I do the steps before I hit the machines.  I do all the arm machines and then I hit the treadmill for 30-40 minutes.  Then I go back to the circuit and do the steps and hit the leg machines.  My legs were jello when I left...and it was an amazing feeling!
I couldn't wait to hit the shower, I was sweaty and probably smelly, but I LOVED it.
I have never been able to say that before.  I've never enjoyed working out, at least not the way I am now. 
I get bored easily on the treadmill.
I don't like to push myself with the weights.
I don't like to sweat.
I don't like to be all red faced and hot and sticky.

But that has changed...somewhat
I still get bored on the treadmill, unless I have some kick ass angry chic music to listen to.  Then I could go and go and go!
I still don't prefer to push myself on the weights, but I do want to see some results so I have learned to push.
I like to sweat...weird.
I still don't like to be all red faced, cuz then my face looks like one of those red balls from grade school that you play dodge ball or 4 square with, but I look forward to getting hot and sticky!  It makes me feel like I really did well that day!

Funny how when you really desire something, things about you change.  I wonder what's changing next.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Day 5

Well I didn't stay at the gym as long as I would have really liked to, but I did get 35 minutes in on the treadmill.  I practically I had to hold myself up on the railing things on the sides of the treadmill.  I felt like my legs were just going to fall off my body.  I guess that's what happens when you work them 5 days in a row :)  I just felt like mush.  I'm hoping tonight when I hit the gym I can stand on my own two legs.
I'm thinking of trying the 30 minute circuit tonight.  I just don't want to look foolish trying it out.  There isn't always someone available to show you how to use the machines so I might be on my own figuring this out.  I will let you know how it goes.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Day 4

So I didn't post yesterday, but I had a good workout.  I just didn't have time to post afterward.  I didn't make it to the gym til 430/445.  Got a good walk/jog in on the treadmill and headed home for a quick shower before a Christmas party.  It was a busy night, but it was a good night.  This time of year is always busy, and I love it.  But, I'm looking forward to things slowing down a bit as well.

So on to day 4 of letting the inner me out...

I couldn't make it to the gym this morning because I had a couple of Avon orders to deliver and I got caught up talking to someone, which was way worth missing the gym for!  Instead I came home and finished a discussion question for my Eng Lit class that will be over as soon as I submit my final paper (YAY) and then it was time to pick up my son along with the boy I babysit and head to our play date.
So instead I went to the gym around 4.  A little bit busier during that time.  But I just can't say enough about the atmosphere.  It is a judgement free zone and I don't know if because that is posted really huge on their wall or what it is, but I really don't feel like anyone is staring at me thinking, "Yeah you should be on that treadmill!"

After only 4 days of this routine, I already have some of my self confidence that I had lost back.  It's weird cuz I doubt I've lost any noticeable weight yet, but something about working out everyday helps me hold my head a little higher every day.  And the weird thing is, until recently I never had any self esteem issues.  Even in high school when someone said to me, "You're pretty, but you'd be REALLY pretty if you were skinny," didn't bother me the way you would expect it to.  In fact, I don't think I gave it a second thought until I was older.  And then it made me mad.  Because, here's the thing, if you don't think I'm beautiful at this size, you don't deserve to think I'm beautiful at a smaller size.

The inner me is not going to change when I lose the weight.  Only the outer appearance is going to change.  And the sad thing is, even then people still won't be happy.  Well don't you want to lose a few more pounds?  Oh if only you could lose another 10lbs...another 10 for what? for who?  You?  No thank you.

I'm doing this for me, Nate, and Jesus.  I want to be able to run up and down the soccer field with Nate, and not look ridonkulous doing so.  I want to run and not be out of breath by the time I'm to the other end, especially considering these are not regulation size fields!  They are tiny, kid size and I want to run it damn it!  I know some of you are like, wow, you can't run that distance?  Yes I can, but it is not fun for me and I am tired.  I don't want to be that person anymore.  I want to run to the moon and back, and here's the tricky part....ENJOY doing it.

Right now running is frightening to me.  I do worry about what I must look like, but I don't want to care about that.  In fact I now worry about what I look like doing a lot of things.  Like the stationary bike, I can not sit on one in front of a mirror because I am so embarrassed of the way I look on that thing that if I have to look at myself riding it, I won't do it. So I choose to sit at one that has a machine in front of it blocking the mirror.

Truth is I love myself..enough to want to be healthier.  I am not a Mabis hater, I am a Mabis lover (all my real friends call me Mabis ;)).  I don't self depricate and tell myself how much better I would be if I were skinny.  Not at all, and I'm sorry for those people that do because that isn't fair to you.  You are amazing too.  The cool thing about that is that I have my Grandma Mabis to thank for the fact that I've always had amazing self esteem and I've always thought I could pretty much do anything thanks to one day we shared together. 

I was about 8 years old and my grandparents took me to Toys R Us to buy a brand new sparkly PINK 10 speed.  My first!  This, as I'm sure you all know, is a pretty big deal in a kid's life.  I was so excited when my Gramps finally got it put together and let me take it for a test ride.  I rode it down their driveway and down the street and back.  And when I pulled into the driveway I was in tears.  On my way down the street, a stupid kid yelled, "Hot Shot," in that mean snotty voice that as a parent makes you cringe when you hear it come out of your own kid.  And it just burst my bubble. I wasn't trying to show off I was just excited about my NEW bike!  In that driveway my grandma changed my life...forever...  She knelt down in front of me, wiped my tears, and very calmly and gently said, "Becky, not everyone can be a Mabis."
And so she sealed my self esteem.
I'm not really sure what she meant by that, but that was all I needed to get me through.  She has been gone almost 19 years and I doubt she ever knew what those words meant to me.  But this statement is true for you and that is what I want to give you tonight.  Not everyone can be you either.  And you is pretty awesome!  God made sure of that when he created you.  So insert your last name because this is for you:   "You, not everyone can be a ..."

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Day 2 - Whew

I have never, and I do mean NEVER enjoyed exercise of any kind.  Why you ask?  Because I'm lazy but mostly because I hate to sweat.  
I hate that sticky feeling your skin gets when you get hot.  
I hate that my face turns beet red when I get hot (no seriously I turn like Christmas red! not cute!).  
I hate when sweat beads up on my upper lip.
I hate when I can feel sweat drip down my back or my chest.
None of those things are good things.

Until today!  Can I just tell you how weird it was that I was excited that my shirt was clinging to me with sweat today?!  I wasn't dripping sweat, but my shirt was damp and normally I would have been completely grossed out.
Not today!
I was so excited I had the biggest, goofiest smile on my face as I walked to the locker room.  I'm pretty sure people thought I was on some kind of drug, not just an endorphine high! LOL
It was truly the coolest feeling, knowing I had worked so hard that my shirt couldn't absorb all the sweat my body produced.  I know it's kind of gross, but it gave me a sense of accomplishment today.
And I have to admit, 10 minutes into the treadmill I was ready to give up.
My left ankle was sore and hurt every time I put my foot down.  But instead of giving up I asked my buddy Jesus to take away the pain and help me just go another couple of minutes.  I had to do this about every 5 minutes because my ankle was really starting to hurt, but I made it for 38.35 minutes!  
And I have discovered that angry chic music is fun to work out to.  This morning's play list included Pink, Adele, Christina Aguilera, Avril Lavigne, and Ashlee Simpson.  I'm still trying to find the right mix for every day, I'm mean hello it is only day 2!
However, maybe if I switch it up everyday and keep listening to Pandora, I won't get bored with it.  I know you're thinking, wait I thought you were watching episodes of One Tree Hill on Netflix.  I do, but I only watch it on the bike because I get a crick in my neck on the treadmill. LOL
I have to admit listening to Pink sing So What I'm still a rock star made me want to run...but I'm not quite there yet.  When I get there, that is the song I want to run to!
So want to know something weird about Planet Fitness?  They don't have scales.  I know I thought the same thing, isn't this a gym.  Why yes it is, but they don't want you to think of it as a gym.  When you walk through their doors they want you to know you are in a judgement free zone, hence no scales.  So now I'm going to have to buy one because I do want to know how much I currently weigh.
That is a very scary number I am sure because this is the heaviest I have ever been.
And there is another incentive...if I can lost 50lbs in 6 months I get $1000!  I don't want to give all the details of this proposition, but I do want you to know that if you love someone who is overweight, do not try to bribe them into being your idea of perfection by offering to give them money.  Love them no matter what.  I was extremely hurt when I was first approached about this.  But now I'm taking it and running with it.  Although, I'm not going to accept the $1000 at the end of six months.  I'm going to make a counter offer which I'm keeping under wraps for now.
Day 2 - success!